Friday, January 20, 2017

Three-Step Method for Creating New Habits

If you hate the monotony of running on the treadmill, but drag yourself to the cardio room daily, believing self-torture will eventually become a habit—that’s not heroic; it’s bad design.
According to B.J. Fogg, a psychologist and researcher at Stanford University who has studied behavior change for more than 20 years, doing something you don’t enjoy and subsequently failing to make it habitual is actually more detrimental to a mission for change than doing nothing at all. To create a real lifelong habit, the focus should be on training your brain to succeed at a small adjustments, then gaining confidence from that success, he argues. To do that, one needs to design behavior changes that are both easy to do and can be seamlessly slipped into your existing routine. Aim for automaticity.
As proof of this concept, Fogg points to the massive experiments for which we’ve all been the lab rats: the success of tech giants like Google, Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram, companies that have made fortunes testing—and figuring out—how to make millions of people use their products as automatic habits. This is Fogg’s area of expertise at Stanford, where he researches the ways computers (including mobile phones) can persuade humans, a field known as captology (from CAPT, “computers as persuasive technology,” a term Fogg coined). He also directs the Stanford Persuasive Tech Lab and runs “persuasion boot camps” for industry professionals.
To help people figure out how to make new behaviors they actually want as routine as turning to Google to search the web, he developed the Fogg Method, which references several psychological theories and is comprised of three key steps. The first is about identifying your specific desired outcome: Do you want to feel less stressed at work? Lose 10% of your bodyweight?
Next, identify the easy-win behaviors—he calls them “tiny habits”—that will put you on the path to that goal. (This requires introspection, because the going method for reducing stress may not be the behavior that will work for you, Fogg emphasized in an interview with NPR last year. Maybe you’d find short walks more meditative than meditating, for instance, or perhaps jogging with your retriever sounds more inviting than lacing up for a spin class.)
Finally, find a trigger—something that you already do as a habit—and graft the new habit onto it. That might mean putting out an apple on the counter every time you start the coffeemaker in the morning, Fogg explained to NPR. “Notice I didn’t say eat the apple,” he added. Let’s not get crazy.
In an online Tiny Habits program that Fogg provides for free, he sends followers sample recipes for commonly held goals related to lifestyle topics like productivity, relationship building, or health. One such recipe: “After I finish brushing my teeth, I will floss one tooth.”
You can see where this is going. Tiny Habits works by designing out the need to feel highly motivated to get a task done. Motivational levels come and go with the wind, but flossing a single tooth is achievable no matter the emotional weather. Besides, most days you’ll find yourself flossing a few other teeth because—well, why not? One day your goal might be to simply put on your sneakers the minute you start the dishwasher in the evening. Slowly, naturally, you’ll start walking, too, and adding other, more ambitious goals to your routine.
That said, there’s one other flourish necessary to making this hack work, says Linda Fogg-Phillips, B.J.’s sister, a former health coach who now runs the online program. After carrying through with a tiny step, participants in the online seminar are instructed to give themselves a celebratory pat on the back. That might be by saying, “Yay,” or “Victory,” for example.
The organizers admit it sounds goofy to celebrate because you managed to floss a single tooth, or do a push-up after using the bathroom (another popular recipe), but, Fogg-Phillips tells Quartz, “You’re rewriting your identity as someone who succeeds.”More than 28,000 people have completed the five-day free program. In exit interviews, 80 to 90% of graduates say they feel confident about their ability to change their habits, according to Fogg-Phillips. More than two-thirds of their participants report they’ve also noticed other, unexpected improvements. One woman set a goal to pick up one piece of garbage or misplaced item from her car every time she parked in her garage, for example; she soon found she was straightening out her house, too.
According to Fogg-Phillips, the ripple effect is common, and psychologists aren’t sure exactly why it happens. One theory: Thanks to the small victories, says Fogg-Phillips, people might consciously or subconsciously break down other barriers in their lives.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Interest Over Happiness

I do not like the idea of happyness — it is too momentary — I would say that I was always busy and interested in something — interest has more meaning to me than the idea of happyness. - Georgia O'Keeffe


Trust and Start Walking

Trust and start walking,
Our path will unfold as we move.
We are not alone in the dark.

 - Paulo Coelho


Monday, January 16, 2017

I Am

I Am!

Related Poem Content Details

I am—yet what I am none cares or knows; 
My friends forsake me like a memory lost: 
I am the self-consumer of my woes— 
They rise and vanish in oblivious host, 
Like shadows in love’s frenzied stifled throes 
And yet I am, and live—like vapours tossed 

Into the nothingness of scorn and noise, 
Into the living sea of waking dreams, 
Where there is neither sense of life or joys, 
But the vast shipwreck of my life’s esteems; 
Even the dearest that I loved the best 
Are strange—nay, rather, stranger than the rest. 

I long for scenes where man hath never trod 
A place where woman never smiled or wept 
There to abide with my Creator, God, 
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept, 
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie 
The grass below—above the vaulted sky.

The Cave You Fear to Enter

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Rent

I got to see Rent live at the Civic Theater tonight. I went with Dave who is a friend of a friend and is blind and currently needs someone to be his eyes whenever he goes out. He walks with a cane and moves fairly slowly, but he's a good guy and pleasant company.

Sunday, January 08, 2017

Atemporal

atemporal

a·tem·po·ral

(ā-tĕm′pər-əl) adj.: Independent of time; timeless. not limited or affected by time.

“Chiang’s stories conjure a celestial feeling of atemporality. “Hell Is the Absence of God” is set in a version of the present in which Old Testament religion is tangible, rather than imaginary: Hell is visible through cracks in the ground, angels appear amid lightning storms, and the souls of the good are plainly visible as they ascend to Heaven.”  - Joshua Rothman, The New Yorker

http://www.newyorker.com/culture/persons-of-interest/ted-chiangs-soulful-science-fiction

Thursday, January 05, 2017

How Forgiveness Budded

“I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded; not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering its things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night.”—Khaled Hosseini, The Kite Runner

Wednesday, January 04, 2017

Twelve Greatest Spiritual Truths

Caroline’s Blog

Final Salon: Twelve Greatest Spiritual Truths

Hi Everyone,

All good things must come to an end, as they say, and writing my Salon is no exception to that. I’ve been writing this monthly Salon for more than ten years now and it has been a pleasure to share ideas and guidance with all of you. Now I find that my time and energy is drawn more to developing my online courses, most especially in Spiritual Direction. I will write Newsletters instead of Salons, although they may not come out on a monthly basis.

That said, I’ve given a great deal of thought to what I should say in my last Salon. I decided to end by offering you a list of my “greatest spiritual truths” – how’s that? These are the teachings I hold most dear to my heart and I hope they will serve you as much as they do me:

1. Miracles are real. 
However, don’t expect a miracle to do something you can or should do for yourself. Miracles are not for cowards but for brave and courageous people who are filled with an unrelenting faith in the Divinely possible. Anything and everything is possible with God. Lazy, complaining people never experience miracles. People filled with hope who never give up trying or believing no matter the odds are prime candidates for Divine intervention.

2. Kindness and patience matter at all times.

3. Believing you are extraordinary – or that your kids are – is an unnecessary suffering in life.
Of course your children are special to you – but they aren’t to the rest of the world. You were not born to be extraordinary. No one was. Just step up to the challenges that life presents to you and do your best. Doing something extraordinary for others – now that’s a worthy goal.

4. Stop searching for God, for purpose and for meaning. 
If you haven’t found it by now, you should ask yourself, “What the heck am I looking for? Is it attention? Is it success?” God is in the small details of your life, not in how others see you or in big opportunities. The Divine works behind the scenes, not in front of the camera. At the same time, every function of nature is a testimony to the order of the Divine: The laws of Nature mirror the nature of God. Learn the Tao. Learn to live according to the laws of balance. God is balance. God is cosmic law and order. You are the engine of meaning and purpose. Those forces will never show up at your door. Either you generate them or you don’t. You can make anything meaningful. Meaning comes from how you value something. Nothing has meaning or purpose until you are able to generate those graces from within.

5. Look for something special in each day – something new. 
Don’t assume that this something new is going to change your life or do something for you. That something new could be that you notice how much a flower has opened up since the day before; yet, in noticing something so ordinary, you realize the elegance with which life carries on. Life is constantly growing, moving – alive. Life is everywhere. This planet is a huge, alive Being. We are walking and living and sleeping on a huge living creature that provides food and water and shelter for us. That is wildest of thoughts – and it’s the truth.

6. Put your life force into something useful. 
Don’t waste a second of your life on things that are useless – like painful memories or grudges or resentments. What good does that do you? Every day is one less day of your life. In fact, today could be the last day of your life for all you know. Make it a good last day.

7. Dedicate your life to a good cause along the way. 
Make a difference in this world in some way. Leave a positive footprint, not just a small carbon one. Make a difference. Your life should count for something.

8. Take time to pray in your own way. 
Prayer is power – pure mystical power. It’s not rational power and it’s definitely not intellectual. You can’t see it. There is no proof that prayer is “working”. But it does and it is. And praying is not a hobby; it’s devotion. Figure out a way to weave prayer time into your daily life.

9. Feed your inner life. Do things that enrich your soul. 
I believe people need spiritual direction. I believe that many psychological disorders are unrecognized spiritual sufferings. Professionals are still intimidated by the reality of spiritual crises. They don’t know how to treat a spiritual crisis or what to say to someone or how to respond to questions about the reality of the unseen outer – and inner – world. You need to know your soul and you need to know when to reach for spiritual guidance. Drugs will never solve a spiritual crisis – never. Drugs cannot combat darkness or evil.

10. Evil is real. Sin is real. 
A basic definition of sin is this: Knowingly doing or saying something that you know will damage another person’s life OR knowingly/deliberately allowing another person to pay the price/take the consequences for a negative action of yours. The conscious act of knowing that what you are doing is wrong – and that what you are doing is harming another in any way – and yet you do it anyway – is Sin. Done. No getting around it. A conscious negative act against another human being is not just a boo-boo or a bummer. It is a Sin because it is CONSCIOUS and thus an act of CHOICE. It is a conscious misuse of your power of creation – and we are held accountable for these choices. That is why we cannot shake free of such choices. That is why the guilt from these choices sticks to us like gum on our shoes. That gum is our soul connected to the soul of the person we harmed. Never tell yourself that evil does not exist. It does. Every time you easily play with the truth, ask yourself, “How come it’s so easy to lie? What’s wrong with me? Why is telling the truth so difficult? Shouldn’t this be the other way around?” The spiritual path is a path of becoming One with Truth, which means confronting our relationship with the shadow in ourselves. It’s not easy and that shadow meets us around every corner in our life. My counsel to everyone – and the one I practice is to repeat a simple prayer whenever you feel that fragile edge of weakness or compromise-of-self coming on, “Hover over me, God – right now.” Surround yourself with grace. Live in grace.

11. Practice joy, love, charity, compassion, understanding, and healing. 
Share your graces. Be ridiculously generous with your gifts. Don’t listen to people who tell you not to spread yourself too thin. Spread yourself so thin with your graces that you become invisible. Be as loving as you can – you’ll find that you recharge instantly. (Loving by the way is not the same as behaving foolishly. It means holding lovingness in your way of being, in the tone of your voice, in how you approach people, in giving someone that extra second before you get feisty with impatience.) No one should ever say, “I’ve got so much to give and no one to give it to.” That’s just being selfish. All that means is, “All I want to do is love one person who loves me back.”

12. Finally, live a bold life. 
Don’t retire. Die exhausted from creativity, loving, adventure, service, sharing and wonder. It doesn’t take money to make a difference in this world; it takes choice, courage, and your willingness to get off the couch and make a commitment to show up and do the work. Pray for others. Send grace to the places in this world that are on fire with pain – the suffering people of Aleppo comes to mind. Channel grace wherever you go. So long as you are alive, remember that every choice you make is either one that releases grace or withholds it. Simple as that. At the end of the day, reflect on your choices. In those circumstances in which you have withheld grace, figure out why you made that choice and then think about others withholding grace in their choices when it comes to you. It’s an uncomfortable thought, to say the least. But it’s the perfect motivator to make us aware of the power of every choice we make in life.

Thank you again for all the support through the years in being a part of the Salon family and all my work. My gratitude to you is more than I can express. Expect to see me via Newsletters.

I wish all of you a blessed holiday season and a holy and wondrous 2017 – wow, look at that number – 2017. Whew. See you next year, I hope, at a workshop or at an online class – or in my prayers.

All my love,

Caroline

https://www.myss.com/final-salon-twelve-greatest-spiritual-truths/

Sunday, January 01, 2017

Virginia Woolf: Keeping a Diary

"The habit of writing thus for my own eye only is good practice. It loosens the ligaments… What sort of diary should I like mine to be? Something loose knit and yet not slovenly, so elastic that it will embrace anything, solemn, slight or beautiful that comes into my mind. I should like it to resemble some deep old desk, or capacious hold-all, in which one flings a mass of odds and ends without looking them through. I should like to come back, after a year or two, and find that the collection had sorted itself and refined itself and coalesced, as such deposits so mysteriously do, into a mould, transparent enough to reflect the light of our life, and yet steady, tranquil compounds with the aloofness of a work of art. The main requisite, I think on re-reading my old volumes, is not to play the part of censor, but to write as the mood comes or of anything whatever; since I was curious to find how I went for things put in haphazard, and found the significance to lie where I never saw it at the time." - Virginia Woolf

Saturday, December 31, 2016

Elizabeth Gilbert's 4-Question Test to Know Who to Trust

Honesty's the best policy, of course—unless someone uses it to tear you down.

By Elizabeth Gilbert

Twenty years ago, a friend and I were having dinner at a Mexican restaurant when she suddenly asked me, "Liz, can I be brutally honest with you about something?" 

Here's how dumb I was back in my 20s: I actually said, "Yes! Of course!" 

At which point my friend took a shiv out of her purse and expertly slid it right between my ribs. 

Okay, to be fair, she didn't literally stab me. She merely told me that I was selfish and lazy, and also that I would probably never be able to make a living as a writer, and moreover that nobody liked my boyfriend. Oh yeah, one last thing: My hair didn't look very good. My jaw is too big to carry off a pixie cut, apparently. Makes my face look all weird and out of balance. 

As I sat there gasping for oxygen over my half-eaten fajitas and trying to stem my internal emotional bleeding, my friend reached across the table and pushed aside the salsa so she could place her hand on mine for emphasis. 

"I'm the only person who cares about you enough to tell you the truth," she said. "That's why it's important that you keep me around. Everybody else just blows smoke up your ass." 

Here's another example of how dumb I was in my 20s: I actually believed her. Thus, I kept this friend in my life for another five years. Whenever I faced a difficult decision or needed an opinion on a sensitive issue, I would return to her and ask once more for the brutal truth—which she would happily deliver, smiling with pleasure as she donned her executioner's mask and got busy hacking me up.

Why did I keep going back for more abuse? Because I figured her honesty was keeping me honest—when in fact it was just keeping me injured. Interestingly enough, it was the progress I was making in my professional life (the one she thought I'd never have) that ultimately taught me how injurious these criticisms really were. 

See, despite my friend's prediction, I did eventually start making a living as a writer. Putting my work into the world meant I had to learn how to take criticism. But I slowly realized that I didn't have to take it from everybody. I learned, over time, how to seek out the type of readers who would actually serve my writing. I came up with four questions to help me decide who got to read my work when it was in its most vulnerable stages: 

Do I trust this person's taste and judgment?

Does this person understand what I'm trying to create here?

Does this person genuinely want me to succeed?

Is this person capable of delivering the truth to me in a sensitive and compassionate manner? 

If I could not answer yes to all four questions, then I would not let that person read my stories. And the fourth question was the most important—because here is what I learned (the hard way) about readers and editors who offered me a "brutally honest" critique of my writing: They were always more brutal than honest. Whenever somebody promises a brutally honest opinion, what they are actually saying is, "Please give me the opportunity to take you down!" The truth delivered without a dose of kindness was of no help to my work. (Cruelty only made me want to stop writing and hide.) Once I started to keep my writing away from such people and found more compassionate readers, my work improved. 

Best of all, I eventually learned that I could apply these four questions to the critics in my personal life as well. If I'm going to open myself to you, then I need to know that I can trust you, and that you understand me, and that you genuinely want me to succeed, and—most of all—that you are capable of being compassionate with your honesty. When I began surrounding myself with people like this, I was able to start coaxing my life in a better direction and creating a more wonderful story about my own existence. 

Which meant that finally a day came when my old shiv-carrying friend asked me, "Can I be brutally honest with you?" and I told her my own truth: "Oh, hell no." 

Don't worry, I said it with more kindness than that. Because that's the only way it works. 

Elizabeth Gilbert is the author of, most recently, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear. 

Michelle O'bama

"Never believe that there is a room you have no right to walk into." - Michelle O'bama

Thursday, December 29, 2016

Hogmanay

Hog·ma·nay
ˈhäɡməˌnā/
noun
  1. (in Scotland) New Year's Eve, and the celebrations that take place at this time.


“School's out! Well, they've been out for over a week, but I gave my folk a wee Hogmanay present and we left the office a couple of hours early.” - Roy McPhail

Solar Panels


The new solar panels on the top of the Copley-Price YMCA parking garage.

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

La Mesa Kitties

Pictures of Bubba, Spanky, and Stella from cat sitting various times at Villa De Fanta this fall.













The Grinch




Monday, the 26th, I ushered the last performance of The Grinch at The Old Globe this year. It's the third Grinch I ushered this year. Just like last year, the cast was every bit as fresh and fun on the last show as the first. I enjoyed it each time and the audience came out after the show with big smiles on their face each time. Plus, the other ushers and The Globe staff Mary, Angela, and Mike are all so great to work with.

Friday, December 23, 2016

Only Parts of Us

Only parts of us will ever
touch only parts of others —
one’s own truth is just that really — one’s own truth.
We can only share the part that is within another’s knowing
so one is for the most part 
alone.
- Marilyn Monroe