Book Review

Why Good People Do Bad Things: How to Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy by Debbie Ford




The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness
comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
—Rumi; translation by Coleman Bark

"Forgiveness challenges us to find the gold in the dark, the wisdom in our wounds, and the possibility hidden within our pain."

This is an excellent, excellent book. I highly recommend it. Debbie Ford's writing eminently readable, conversational, logical, easy to follow. She's written a lot of books on The Shadow, our darker self we'd like to pretend isn't there but keeps showing up in our lives to lead us astray and avert our path from the best of life. From the different descriptions I just picked this one to start with and, without having read any others yet, I feel like I made a good choice. This is in perhaps the best self-help book, especially for those of us who're so used to bad situations that The Law of Attraction works against us and, like me, can't figure out how to get it going the other way, to work for us. This book is that instruction manual. It tells us how to embrace our past, forgive ourselves, embrace the strength and lessons of our darker selves, and move forward. I highlighted about 10% of the book and made notes to many of those. I really like that she closes with examples from her own shortcomings and how those are also her strengths. Don't bother reading Deepak Chopra on The Shadow and definitely stay away from Marianne Williamson on the subject.

"My fear of being called lazy gives me my drive. It is my vanity that dresses me in the morning and gets me to work out even when I’m tired. My fear of being a negligent mother makes sure that I go to all the flag football games (even when I’m busy) and drive my son to school (even when I’m tired and he could take the bus). It is my greed and love for fine things that drive me to work when others are out partying, and it is my denial of the evil and angry judgments of others that allows me to stand up in front of group after group and tout my message—to heal the split between the two forces that exist within each of us."



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Book Review

The Shadow Effect: Illuminating the Hidden Power of Your True Self by Deepak Chopra

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


"... without wholeness, all we can create is superficial change."

" Denial is a false solution."

"Love doesn’t need seeking. Like the air you breathe, it exists as part of nature; it’s a given."

"Big, blown-out fantasies about our lives stem from the pain of our unrealized potential,"

"Those we project on hold pieces of our unclaimed darkness as well as pieces of our unclaimed light."

I gave this book 4 stars more for it's subject matter rather than how it is written. For those of us who find the Law of Attraction doesn't work, or, worse, works in reverse, and therefore seems like so much smile-an-be-happy bullshit the Shadow is the other half of the equation the Law of Attraction is missing. This book asserts that the Shadow, compulsive behaviors, self-sabotage, bad decisions, life messiness, dramas, or even our pet peeves with other people, rather than being denied, turned off, or turned away from should be, must be, looked at as another way the universe shows us ourselves, as a source of knowledge, wisdom, creativity, and energy. Instead of banging our heads against the wall wondering why these things show up in our lives again and again we should look under the hood to see what kind of pain and fear we're hiding from and compensating for.

As to how it is written: Deepak Chopra goes first with a broad collage of the spiritual, metaphysical source and reason for the Shadow and how to approach it. I must say the first part of his essay is some of the messiest writing of his I've waded into. He puts forth divergent subjects in one paragraph but doesn't connect the dots between them. But stick with it. He soon settles down and gives us some gems we can use. Debbie Ford's part is next and it contains the most nuts and bolts we can use to turn our Shadows from destructive forces into positive, creative energy. But after Chopra's and Ford's encouragement to build a stable core and expand our awareness to encompass our Shadow and make it part of our Whole, along comes Marianne Williamson with her judgement and separation saying the shadow must be "gotten rid of". I found Ms. Williamson's writing the least useful and plowed through it as quickly as possible, although I did find a couple of gems, such as: "Rather than self-hatred, I was flooded with compassion for myself, because I realized how much pain I would have had to be in to develop that sort of coping mechanism to begin with."

This book is a good starting point for learning about the Shadow and I plan to explore more, mostly through Ms. Ford's work since she has the best concrete details for how to tap into its positive force.



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Unrealized Potential

"Big, blown-out fantasies about our lives stem from the pain of our unrealized potential," - Debbie Ford