Happy Halloween

San Diego Wildfires Day 5

Walking out into the living room this morning I immediately noticed that there was more smoke in the air. Waiting for the bus and the trolley my throat got very scratchy, my eyes stung a little, and I could see a little more ash in the air. The top picture is from the trolley stop towards downtown showing how smoky the air is.

There were a few more people downtown today, some of them in surgical masks. I was feeling sorry for all the delivery guys, construction workers, and pedi-cab operators that have had to work outside in it all. Our office was almost back to full strength. One of the guys was back in his house, another was hoping to get back home tonight, and one had his sister staying with him. She lost the roof of her house and won't be able to get back for weeks. But she was lucky. She lives in Rancho Bernardo and lots of her neighbors lost everything.

I'm really proud of how the everyone all worked together througout the county. Reverse 911 calls and aggressive police orders to evacuate got everyone out. Only 1 person died due to the fire directly. 1 million people were evacuated while only tens of thousands were in evacuation centers. Some left town, but most were absorbed by families and friends. The evacuation centers had more supplies and volunteers than they knew what to do with.

After a wonderful dinner prepared by Keith and featuring leftovers from Randall's recent birthday party, Randall, Andreas, and Molly returned home this evening. I'm happy for them but sad to see them go.

The winds calmed down a lot today slowing the fires down and allowing the firefighters to make some headway, although many houses are still threatened.

The 2nd and 3rd photos show the sunseting through all the smoke in the air. It really wasn't as red tonight as the photos show. It was more orange, but I still like the pictures. I was dissapointed the sunset wasn't quite as gorgeous as yesterday. After getting on the trolley I thought I should have been more patient and waited until just before the sun dissappeared behind Point Loma to get the most color. Lesson for today: You can't ever really get the shot you missed yesterday. It's better to be patient and make the most of the shot that presents itself to you today.

The County Building was taken just after sunset. And the last photo doesn't show how pretty the nearly full moon was rising through the smoke, but it's the best shot of the moon I've gotten so far.

So. California Wildfires Day 4

Thanks to those who've called or emailed expressing concern about how I'm surviving the wildfires currently scorching southern California. I've been mostly unaffected. I live almost within sight of Downtown San Diego and none of the fires are threatening the heart of town. Just north of me Mission Valley is a formidable barrier and the fires to the south are about 15 miles south. We can smell the smoke in the air and it can make our throats a little scratchy and dry out our eyes, but otherwise it's not bad. Once in a while I see some ash drifting down.

Our office has been open each day although only about half the staff have made it in. Some have been evacuated and others are taking care of family that has been evacuated. But I don't think anyone from work has lost their home so far.

Downtown San Diego has been somthing of a ghost town the past 2 days. There's been very few people and even less traffic. For the most part the only people walking around downtown are tourist who I feel sorry for. They arrive on their vacation only to find the town empty and most things closed. It's not that the major attractions have been threatened by flames, they just they don't have the staff to keep them open. It's amazing to think that 1/3rd of the county has been evacuated. Despite initial reports that some people were reluctant to evacuate, most people have been proactive, got ready ahead of time, and evacuated when it was recommended, before it was mandatory.

Keith and I are hosting good friends Randall, Andreas, and Molly who left their home in Del Mar. It's been great having them here. Not only are they terrific guys and great company, but it's nice to do something for someone. I realized today that being single and childless tempts too much self-absortion. It's good to go outside oneself and take care of someone else. I thought I'd learned that lesson long ago, but remindes are good. It'd be nice if they stayed but not nice if they lost their home. But I don't think that'll be a problem. The radio tonight said that some people were being allowed back into their neighborhood.

I was completely frustrated riding home on the bus afterwork. All the soot in the sky turned the sunset the color of a blood orange that was reflected beautifully in the bay, but I didn't have my camera with me. By the time I got home the sun was down and I was lucky to get the top photo. Although the colors in it are gorgeous. I sort of expect God's hand to reach out and Adam's come up to meet it.

Happy National Coming Out Day, Oct. 11

Some time ago, while ironing shirts, I was contemplating an advertisement in Men's Fitness for a personal grooming device. I was thinking how much it illustrated the influence of gay people on popular culture. Here's a trend, or possibly a fad, that's existed in the gay community for some time now being promoted in a national magazine that tries really hard to appeal to straight men.

But then I corrected myself. Influence is too small of a term. Gay people are popular culture. It's like the scene in The Devil Wears Prada where the main character smirks at the people around her getting all stressed about fashion and Meryl Streep's character explains that the color of the sweater she's wearing "was not just blue, but Cerulean Blue", was created by a designer of high end fashions a couple of years prior and worked it's way down through the different levels until it ended up being offered on discount clothing. Gay designers, chefs, writers all create new ideas that are first embraced by gay people then work their way through the culture until they're featured in mainstream publications.

When my roommate, Keith, got home he pointed out that gay people are responsible for more than fads and trends. Without gay people men would still be hitting women over the head with clubs and dragging them off to their caves. Let me explain: In grade school most boys hang out with other boys and the girls stick together as well until adolescence and they discover the opposite sex. But boys and girls that are destined to discover the same sex at adolescence will usually be found playing with the opposite sex in grade school. Then, when a straight adolescent wants to approach a girl, but doesn't have a clue as to how, he can ask his gay friend for advice on how to talk to her so he doesn't have to resort to hitting her over the head and dragging her off to a cave.

Albert Bell said: "Straight people birth children and raise corn. Gay people birth culture and raise consciousness." Straight people are consumed in the day to day duties of child rearing and worrying about getting food on the table and maintaining a roof over the head of their families. Gay folks have the time to explore and create. Actually, it's more than just having the time and energy, we're compelled to since we're so ridiculed and demonized by mainstream society our creativity is forced to expand to justify our lives and look for a new source of validation. We get in the habit of questioning everything, and every point of view.

I know you all think gay people deserve better than to be beaten nearly to death and left tied to a fence. But where along the line of tolerance would you put us? The extant to which civilization depends on gay creativity and intellect to advance goes beyond what's justified by mere tolerance. It makes us a vital part of the human race.

After Ann Coulter said those horrible things about gay people this summer, drag performer Jackie Beat correctly noted: "Ann Coulter is a horrible witch -- you know that some queen is bleaching and straightening that hair. And who designs her little black dresses and shoes? Trust me, it's gay men! I would love to see Ann Coulter in a gay-free zone -- she would have coarse mousy brown hair, poorly applied drugstore makeup and walk around in a hideous floral housecoat and comfortable flats. You can't have it both ways, Ann." (Jackie Beat quote via Joe.My.God.)

La Mesa Octoberfest with Steve, Bill, and Craig

La Mesa is a 'burb a few miles east of San Diego. I was teasing Craig that, for those of us who rarely venture east of the 15, it's "practically in Arizona".

AVRP Hat Day Friday

Thursday at work Steve the UPS guy delivered a hat I'd ordered. While I had it out one of my co-workers walked by and got all excited because she loved hats and said we should have a hat day the next day. So I checked with the office manager, who liked the idea, and sent out an email. But I was so busted. Even though I loudly protested that it wasn't my idea, everyone new it was because I got a new hat.

Cristy's husband is a huge Wisconsin Badgers fan so she wore a Badger hat she got for him. She said her cat was totally freaked by this giant rat on her head.

Diane is looking super cute in her Texas baseball cap and glasses.

Kristin didn't want to pose alone so Victoria, in white ball cap, hammed it up with her.

Randi out did us all by walking in with this giant leprechaun hat.

And Ana didn't think she could wear a hat so I put mine on her to show her how pretty she is; just like Shania Twain.

My New Ride ... SPF Zero

My 1994 Mazda 626, that I bought in '97 and had 147,000 miles on it, was doing fine, except that it was time again to get it smogged, which it always failed. Other than that it was reliable, if uninspiring, transportation. Someone, Keith I think, asked if I was getting a new car and suddenly I was all over Autotrader.com.

At first I was looking for '03 and '04 Honda Accords, 6 cylinder, 6 speed manuals with sunroofs. I found one here in San Diego, went to look at it, and someone else was already signing the papers for it. Then Mr. Auto Encyclopedia Steve took me to the Honda Dealer to test drive a new Civic and the street rod CivicSI; which I liked but am too tall for; and a 4 cylinder Accord which is just an update of what I already have.

Then I discovered that used Acura 3.2CLs aren't much more than Accords. I found one at a dealer just down the hill, went to look at it, and again a buyer was just a half hour ahead of me. So the next night Steve and I went to look at one at the Suzuki Dealer in El Cajon that was a little more money but had really low miles. Oh, but it was long gone.

Unlike most dealers that have a lot of their main brand and a few used cars they get from trade ins, this dealer had just 1 short row of new vehicles and lots of used cars of all different kinds. In my price range they had Audi, Lexus, Mini Coopers, Jaguars, just to name a few. Steve, who used to sell cars, was thoroughly enjoying himself. When they asked me which one I wanted to look at first, out of my mouth came "how about the BMW Convertible". I'm not sure why, maybe there's something about Beemers that mimic part of our DNA.

My best friend back in the Midwest, Carol, always had a convertible. In fact I went along for moral support when she bought a really pretty deep purple Chrysler Sebring Convertible. Do you still have that, Carol? And Steve is the proud owner of a very hot Mercedes 2 seater with a retractable roof. When I moved out to California I always thought that if I ever got a chance to own a convertible, this is the place for it. But I never thought I'd find one I liked within reach. So I was looking for sunroofs.

Steve explained that California is the biggest market for nice cars. And when the first owner gets tired of them, or comes to the end of the lease, they turn in a vehicle that has been very well taken of; has seen no snow and very little rain. Then they come on the market fully depreciated with lots of life left in them.

This one is a 2000 323CI, 6 cylinders, 5-speed manual transmission with less than average miles. It has almost every upgrade that was offered at the time. And as you can see, just by holding a button, the roof folds itself into the trunk and covers itself up. But even with the top down there's respectable trunk room. It's an incredibly solid, heavy car that likes RPMs and goes where you tell it to. The engine just quietly hums to itself so all you hear is the wind. I learned from Carol that it's quite acceptable to blast the air conditioning or heat as needed with the top down. This one also has seat warmers for those chilly nights in San Diego when it gets down into the 60s.

Question: Why do guys like BMWs?

Because it's easy to spell.

Now the mid-life crisis is official.

Currently Reading ...

... some ...
will maintain that the swift oars

of our fleet are the finest sight on dark earth; but I say
that whatever one loves, is.



Sappho

Michael Tolliver Lives

Armistead Maupin started writing Tales of the City as a serial in San Francisco newspapers in the mid '70s. It starts out with straight Mary Ann Singleton arriving in San Francisco on vacation from her life in Ohio. She instantly falls in love with the city and decides to stay. She rents an appartment and starts to get to know her neighbors. They turn out to be a diverse group of straight, gay, bisexual, and transgendered free spirits. While each character is fleshed out in mostly equal three dimensional detail, gay man Michael Tolliver quickly becomes the heart and soul around which everything else revolves. He's a sweet, genuine soul without pretense trying to rise above his conservative Southern upbringing and find love and a place for himself in the world.

Even though Armistead Maupin has stated his intention that Michael Tolliver Lives is an independent novel that stands alone from the series, in reality it is an extension. All the main characters from the series appear. And even though backgrounds are provided, I don't think you can fully appreciate the emotional impact of this book without having read the previous six. But the good news is the series is a very easy, entertaining read. The first four books have very short chapters and are mostly dialogue. I've always admired Maupin's writing and how he's able to create such rich characters without much descriptive prose.

The sixth book, Sure of You, ends in the early '80s. Michael Tolliver is happily setting up house keeping with his partner, but he's HIV+ and doesn't know how much time he's got to enjoy his hard won happiness. So for those of us that read all of the books many times and have loved the characters, especially Michael, the publishing of this book is very much like finding out that someone we lost track of, and missed, and always wondered if the new medications found him in time, but we were afraid they hadn't when so many were lost; lives. If that makes sense to you, then maybe you understand why I was crying before I started reading it.

In the '50s and '60s, when Lord of the Rings was gaining popularity, Frodo Lives!! was often seen as graffiti. Like Frodo, one quickly gets the sense that if Michael Tolliver can't do it; can't find love and happiness and a place for himself; then no one can.

For this book, Armistead Maupin has switched to first person, telling the story directly from Michael's point of view. Michael is 20 years older, doing well on new meds, and enjoying creating a life with a new, younger man. He's still best friends with Brian Hawkins and he still looks after his former landlady, Mrs. Madrigal. His father died a few years ago and his mother is in a nursing home and failing. Michael goes to visit her with his new husband and she shocks him by asking him to be in charge of her Living Will. The only question this book asks is: What will he do when he gets the call that his mother has died, then gets the call that his spiritual mother may not make it through the night?

Bloggers New Toy

Blogger has a new toy called "Blogger Play". By going to this web site: http://play.blogger.com/ you will see a slide show of photos that have been uploaded to Blogger within the past few minutes. You'll see faces, places, art, and objects from all over the world. It's a fascinating, mesmerizing look into human life on this planet. You can speed it up or slow it down and stop it and go back. There's a "show info" button that will pull up some basic information from the blog the photo is posted on. And if you click on a photo the entire blog it's from will pull up for you. Blogger uses an algorithm to filter out any obscene material, but occasionally an "R" or even an "X" rated photo might show up. I haven't found it to be a big deal. Check it out and let me know what's the coolest thing that you come across.

Downtown Trees

The Santa Fe Depot Fountain

Video from 12/24/06

Blogger recently added a video upload button. Now I can post my own videos directly to my blog without first boring everyone on YouTube. This video is from my trip last Christmas Eve to Mt. San Jacinto State Park at the top of the Palm Springs Tramway. I previously posted a slide show of still shots from that trip with my friend Stan. For the video I just stood in one spot and slowly turned around in a circle so you can see the whole landscape and hear the children's voices.

My September 11th Story

Like December 7, 1941 and November 22, 1963, anyone old enough to remember September 11, 2001 will never forget what they were doing and how they experienced the events that day.

I was living in Vista, California, having moved with my partner at the time to the San Diego area from Central Illinois just a few shorts weeks prior to 9/11. Brian had returned the night before from a week long business trip to Germany. I hadn't found a job in California yet. We had just gotten out of bed and were heading towards the bathroom and kitchen when the phone rang. I answered it and found myself talking to his mother who was all in a panic. She knew he'd been out of the country but didn't know he was back and was worried he was on one of the flights. I quickly got Brian on the phone with his mom and I turned on the TV. At 7am West Coast time only 1 tower was damaged and both were still standing. I remember watching the news with a sense of unreality and thinking the newscasters were having just as tough a time trying to make sense of it all and come up with something meaningful to say. It wasn't until much later, after more information was available, more images came in, and both towers fell, that it all sank in. To this day any image of the burning or collapsing towers is very upsetting to me.

Some time in the early '90s I took a trip with friends Deborah and Peter to New York City to see our friend Janet in her Carnegie Hall debut as the soprano soloist in Verdi's Requiem. During that trip we had breakfast at the top of the World Trade Center and very much enjoyed a view that's no longer there, except by helicopter. Now I automatically date any image of New York City's skyline as to whether it's before or after September 11, 2001.

What's your 9/11 story?

And for those of you who remember, I'd also love to hear your stories about the day Pearl Harbor was attacked and the day JFK was assassinated. What were you doing? How did you hear about it? How did you feel? What was the reaction of those around you? How has it affected you since that day?

For SKEA

Sail Boats on San Diego Bay

" I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain."

James Baldwin

I recently added Enya's most recent CD, "Amarantine", to my music collection. According to Wikipedia it won the Grammy for Best New Age Album for 2007. The music is gorgeous and filled with Enya's trademark Celtic New Age harmonies, orchestrations, and rhythms. I love her music and am happy to have some new songs of hers. However, I haven't noticed any groundbreaking departures from her previous albums.

Now if only someone could convince Sade to put out something new.

Just in Time

I recently went with my friend Steve to Palm Springs to help him and Michael put in landscaping. After hauling decomposed granite all over the yard all morning in the desert heat and humidity (thanks to Hurricane Dean), we showered, changed, and headed to a great deli Steve just discovered. While driving to lunch we were listening to Michael's favortie radio station, which plays, according to Steve, "old lady music". My ears pricked up when I heard a distinctive voice singing one of my favorite songs and I asked, "is that Judy Garland?" And they listened for a minute and agreed it was. And they asked me which movie the song was from. And I answered that it wasn't from a movie but from her television show. Michael observed, "Tim, were you alive during her television show?" I was, but just. So Michael said I had completely redeemed my gay card.

Needless to say, I was quite relieved. They're always threatening to take it away since I'm not obsessively neat, I'm not a great dresser, and I'm not much at interior decoration. But I am a friend of Dorothy.

When I was taking voice lessons many years ago, I picked up the sheet music to this song and was not impressed. By itself it's a fairly simple song without much to grab your attention. But Judy Garland wasn't just a little lady with a big voice who wore her heart on her sleeve. She also had an amazing ear that enabled her to stay with an orchestra through very complex arrangements. Many arrangers will change keys in the middle of a song to add some energy to it. For Judy, Mort Lindsay created this arrangement that changes key 4 times. And she's not following the orchestra into the new key, she's going there first. For 2 of the key changes she doesn't even take a breath. While holding a note she just kicks it up a notch. And after all that, to end as solidly as she does is not as easy or inevitable as she makes it look.

For the first time in my life I'm taking public transportation on a regular basis. For 2 months now I've been taking the bus and trolley to work. While working downtown is great, parking is expensive and "The Firm" only pays for about 2/3rds of the cost. And that doesn't get me a reserved, covered spot, but just permission to park in a lot. It's more of a fishing license for a well stocked pond. But The Firm does pay for a bus pass that gives me unlimited trips on the bus and trolley. The trolley is a light rail electric train that goes through Mission Valley, down Pacific Coast Highway, loops through Downtown, and continues south to the Mexican Border. It's smooth, quiet, fast, and mostly dependable. But it leaves most of the county to be covered by buses, which aren't any of those things. Luckily I live and work in the perfect spot to use the system. I'm just 1 block from a major bus line and it's a short, fast ride down the hill to the nearest trolley stop. And the trolley just takes a few minutes to get downtown and stops right outside the entrance to my building. I counted it the other day and it's literally 5 steps from the trolley to the door.

The only problem I've had is if the bus runs late, then I miss the trolley I need and waiting for the next trolley makes me late for work. So yesterday when it was getting close to the time I should be getting on the trolley and the bus was still nowhere in sight, I decided to go back for the car and be just a few minutes late instead of 15 minutes late.

But otherwise it was a beautiful San Diego day; bright and sunny and warm. It wasn't bright in a harsh way that washes out all the colors and makes you look for shade. It was clear in a way that lit up everything and warm in a way that wasn't uncomfortable, but just made long pants and enclosed shoes seem silly. At lunch, after walking to the bank, I stopped at the building across the street. It has a very nice deli inside and a large, mostly shaded courtyard in front with tables and chairs and benches. And on Fridays in the summer there's live music during the lunch hour. The rest of the afternoon at work went fast and uneventful and at 4:45 I was out the door, looking forward to the weekend. The two towers closest to the bay were looking very photogenic, but my trolley was right there so I hopped aboard and enjoyed all the tropical splendor sliding by. As often happens, the bus was going by just as I got off the trolley so I had to wait for the next one, but who cares; it's Friday!

Walking towards my building, thinking about going to the gym and planning out the weekend, I glanced in the garage and noticed my car wasn't there. It was still Downtown!

So after dropping off my bag, using the bathroom, and grabbing a bottle of water, I found myself back at the bus stop, waiting to make the trip on the train that I had missed that morning.

It's a good thing I didn't have any dignity to begin with.