When you've hurt someone, don't think about the best apology you can come up with. Think about the best apology they can come up with.

An apology isn't about what you want to say. It's about what they need to hear.

Don't think about this the next time someone owe's you an apology. Remember this the next time it's your turn to apologize.

"The one important thing I have learned over the years is the difference between taking one's work seriously and taking one's self seriously. The first is imperative and the second is disastrous."

Dame Margo Fonteyn

"Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate." - Barnett Brickner

I don't know who said it first, but good advice going around the gay community is:

"Be the man you'd want to date."

Assimilation.

Well I did it. I finally gave in. They caught me. Say "hello" to the newest member of the Borg. Yes, I bought an MP3 player. Not an Ipod, I got a Zune, Microsoft's entry into the fray. And now I've joined the masses of people walking around with little speakers tucked into their ears dancing to their own beat. Now all I have to do is use my Bluetooth earpiece with my cell phone and my assimilation will be complete.

It's actually quite fun to have such easy access to my music. And it's very nice to shut out the noise of traffic and construction while taking a break from work. It's the spoon full of sugar that makes going to the gym more fun. I'm just another geek on the elliptical trainer lip syncing to '80 music. And I've skipped a generation of technology in my car, going from a cassette deck I almost never used right to an mp3, skipping the in-dash CD player.

I was hoping to be able to download just the songs I wanted over the internet and not have to store CDs at home. But the cheap internet sites don't have any of the music I want and the sites with the songs are expensive. It's generally less expensive to by the CD in the store. And with artists setting up exclusive agreements with specific sites, I'm still occasionally buying an entire CD to get just one song that I want.

Last Friday was a beautiful San Diego day, bright, sunny and warm(as was every day since), and I had lunch sitting right on the bay watching the sailboats go back and forth. Walking back to work I was really enjoying the music. When I got back in the office I realized I'd been just like those kids in the cell phone/mp3 player commercials; I walked along normally but my shadow burned up the dance floor.

One day last week I walked into the apartment singing along to the soundtrack of "Chicago". Hmm. 40 something. Not married. Likes showtunes. What's my sexual orientation?

Embrace your stereotypes. Then they can't be used against you.

Happy Mother's Day!

If Oscars were given out for life, my Mother would have several, starting with surviving polio at 2 years old in the middle of the Depression, and including coming to terms with having a gay son. Many parents, when they suspect they have a gay child, send that child to counseling, which only makes the situation much worse. My Mother did an amazing thing. She went to a counsellor herself and, fortunately, found a good one who told her I was the same good guy she thought I was. For someone who grew up in the Midwest in the '40s that's amazing.

My Mother isn't perfect; she has some prejudices that occasionally rise up. And like Martha in Luke 10 she's often "worried about many things". But she's human, and that's what makes her perfect.

Happy Mother's Day Mom. I love you!

While listening to a classical CD I hadn't heard for a while I was reminded of what I learned in Music History class in college about the progression of music. When our current system of symbols and staffs was being formed to represent the sacred music of the middle ages, rules were created to describe and promote the creation of more music. The music that was written after these rules were created followed the rules more closely than the music before that the rules were created to describe. After a long period of time when all avenues of creativity were explored within that kind of music, someone would write something new that was outside of the rules, someone else would ask what they were doing, new rules and guidelines were created, and the whole cycle would continue.

Then I connected that to something pointed out in "Conversations with God, Book 3" by Neale Donald Walsh. That book reminds us that truth has not been a constant thing. For example, in the Old Testament many rules were created, such as what to eat and when not to work, that no longer served us and were put aside in the New Testament which says; "love thy neigbhor". Truth evolves as we evolve.

What's right and who's wrong is not the point. The point is the journey towards our best selves.

Success isn't the point. The point is the journey towards success.

Palm Springs

"We can hardly fail if communication begins with a smile, continues with love and civility, is leavened with a little humor when appropriate, and enhanced with empathy and compassion."

Brenda Davies, M.D.

Photo by Heriberto.

"If you fall out of the boat put your feet up, lie back and relax. Your life jacket knows which way is up. Let the river hold you. You won't drown."

Brenda Davies, M.D.
"The 7 Healing Chakras"
Quoting a Zambezi River guide.

Trip to Julian, April 1, 2007

Sunday afternoon Heriberto asked me where I wanted to go for my birthday. He gave me the options of either some North County beach, Julian, or the Anza Borrego Desert. Although beautiful, I've been to both the Carlsbad beaches and the Anza Borrego Desert, and neither is known for the food there. I've heard a lot about Julian, but had never been there before, AND it's known as a food destination, especially for the apple pie.

About an hour drive from San Diego along 2 lane roads that wind through beautiful country of hills, low mountains, horse farms, orchards, and this fishing lake, Julian is a popular destination for folks looking for an easy destination to escape the city. At 4000 feet up it experiences all the seasons. Chuck and Patrick stayed overnight there a few weeks ago and woke up to snow. When we got there both sides of the one main street through town were filled with motorcycles. We ate barbecue for lunch, walked around town, going into a few shops, taking pictures, then stopped for apple pie for dessert. And what an apple pie. It was amazing. It's not better than Becky's terrific pie she made for Thanksgiving, but it is real close. Before we ate our pie Heri asked for a candle that he lit and put in the middle for me to make a wish and blow out.

I love these birthdays that get stretched out over several days. Keith took me out to dinner to a newly opened restaurant Tuesday. Thursday Skip took me to a Brazilian restaurant that I'd been by but hadn't been to yet. And Sunday I got to go to Julian for the first time, do a little sight seeing, took some pictures, went for a short hike, and had a wonderful drive.

Two years ago, while working at Wawanesa, my supervisor and team forgot my birthday. Though initially disappointing, it turned out great. Two of the girls that sat on either side of me took pity and brought in a cake the next day. My team became aware of their oversight and took me out to lunch the day after that. And the next Sunday Skip took me to lunch after church with a bunch of friends and we had a great time.

Happy Birthday to... ...Me!

I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration; I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.

- Goethe