Travel time from Kansas City to Peoria by minivan: 6 hours.

Helping my brother chip ice off sidewalks and driveways while my niece and nephew try out her new sled and enjoying the smell of wood fires: priceless.

Obama: “Fags Under the Bus.”

Before the campaign started, before the primaries and everything, I thought that Bill Clinton had acted like a bad boyfriend to gay people, giving us two bad black eyes with the Defense of Marriage Act and Don't Ask, Don't Tell. And I was afraid the next Democratic Preident would turn out to be just as bad; saying just enough to get our votes and money and then turning on us when push came to shove. Imagine my horror when the current President-Elect didn't even wait until he was in office, didn't wait until sacrificing the homosexuals was the best compromise, as Clinton claimed with DOMA and DADT. No. Obama has decided to “reach across the aisle” and give a national stage to one of the most vocal of homophobes, this just after the passing of Propoition 8 left us more vulnerable than ever. And his gesture has been like a big green light to other homophobic Democrats to proceed with their anti-civil rights agenda. Even before taking office Obama has back-handed us across the face to add a big bruise to our two black eyes.

And we're expected to go crawling back to him because he's so much better than Republicans on gay rights? Forget it! I'm shedding my internal homophobia. I'm no longer begging for the approval of Mommie and Daddy Dearest in the form of Hillary and Barack and whoever else is supposed to be looking out for my best interest. In 2012 my vote and my support will be for the most viable third party candidate out there. I hope that enough people do the same to siphon off any margin of victory for the Democrats. The country has not done well under the Reagan/Bush era, but it hasn't come completely apart. Hopefully they'll get scared enough to do more than pay enough lip service to get our vote; they'll actually come to us and beg for our support and protect our rights as they're constitutionally bound to do.

No longer will I vote for someone who has, as my roommate said, “thrown us under the bus as soon as they need some traction.”

In 2012 I'm walking.

Out of the past.

Recently an ex-boyfriend from college surprised me when he tracked me down on facebook. I've been a bad correspondent and I love reconnecting with friends I'd lost track of. It's like finding a part of myself I thought I'd lost a long the way.

So this is me, circa 1985 (like an antique!). Thanks, Steven, for the photo and the renewed friendship.

It's like my younger self peeking out of the past and laughing at me.

Halloween

I'm a bad blogger, posting Halloween pics over a month late. But here’s the crew at work on October 31st. We are:

From left: Back row: Sarah Palin (Cristy), Rocker Dude (Billy), Captain Morgan (Zane), Medieval Lady (Ana), Hippie chick (Rosa), Cowboy (Tim), 1930s pilot (Doug).
Front row: Harry Potter (Amanda), baseball player (Lauryn), Mail woman (Michelle).

After we took the picture Cristy mentioned that she should have been over on the right, but I pointed out that she would have had to be so far to the right that we never would’ve gotten her in the picture.

And I’m a bad fag; all I did was slap a hat on my head. I didn’t even bother to dig out the cowboy boots.

Book Review: 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real Love

10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real Love by Joe Kort

My review

An excellent book! Kort discusses all the big and small ways we're affected by homophobia and how it can leave parts of our personalities shut down and how to reassert our inner kings, warriors, lovers, and magicians. He also illustrates the main stages of adult relationships, what to expect and how to work through them. He explains that after the first bloom of euhporia wears off there is a power struggle, but if you're willing to work through that and face your own issues then you can fully enjoy an adult romantic relationship. Kort advises that it's in a relationship that we're held accountable and presented with the issues we need to work on and it's relationships that provide the best opportunity to grow as a person. So much for my recent desire to sit on the sidelines.

He also makes the observation that each of us is at the same level of evolution as those we date. As much of a wound as this is to my pride I have to agree that, intellectually, it makes sense. No more taking comfort in feeling superior to all those immature ex's. Let's have a big Homer Simpson “D’oh” on that one!


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Proud of My People

I’m still glowing with pride at how well the international Marriage Equality Protest went on Saturday, especially my 25,000 San Diego peeps who made ours one of the biggest. Now, I can take no actual credit for any of it. I didn't even make the sign I carried. All I did was show up. But that was all I needed to do, better minds than mine did the rest.

And the way they did it is being called a paradigm shift in gay activism. Without going through any of the national gay organizations, the protest was put together through websites and online word of mouth. For a complete explanation of what happened and what it means read Rex Wockner’s excellent post by clicking here.

Since Saturday I’ve been thinking of all the gay people who lived and worked in neighborhoods full of Yes on 8 signs and people who supported it. I heard some of their stories and they were feeling truly beat up by the experience. I pray that Saturday they felt a big weight lift off of their shoulders when folks across the country, in towns big and small, even across the border in Canada, in all kinds of weather, all got out to show their support at the same time.

My new hero is kccat in Cleveland who roped her husband into making signs and going to the protest with her. Click here to read her story and see pictures of them bundled up in full-on winter parkas with hoods and umbrellas to protect them from the freezing rain. Not gay. Not Californian. Bad weather. Out there anyway!

Public Service Announcement: Recognizing a Stroke

This email was forwarded at work and I thought it worth sharing:

RECOGNIZING A STROKE:

Remember The 1st Three Letters.... S.T.R.

S * Ask the individual to SMILE.
T * Ask the person to TALK and SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently) (i.e. It is sunny out today)
R * Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.

New Sign of a Stroke: Stick out Your Tongue. Ask the person to stick out their tongue. If the tongue is crooked, if it goes to one side or the other , that is also an indication of a stroke.

If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call 911 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

March for Marriage Equality

Just before 10am on this bright, clear, warm Saturday morning I met Brian, Christian, and Scott (left to right in the top picutre) at 6th and University in Hillcrest where we joined all the people moving towards 6th & Upas and the start of the March for Marriage Equality. The crowd gathered in Balboa Park while we waited for the start. There I also saw Allan and Terry (2nd pic). Kermit the Frog also came to show his support. Carol shows her pride and her dimple. The bottom photo shows some of the crowd and their signs.

Protest across the country all happened at the same time; so while we were gathering from Seattle to San Diego at 10am on the West Coast, in New York City they were marching at 1pm Eastern Time.

Since the election I have been amazed and heartened by the human and geographic diversity of the outrage against Prop 8. Straight allies have been very loud in their support and were very much a part of the march today. And also across the country and around the world people have been strongly affected by what happened in California. It helps to heal the hurt to know that we’re not alone in this; folks everywhere are appalled by the hate and the lies. They know we’re all connected, we’re all one, and we all deserve the right to control our lives.

The top picture is looking back up 6th Avenue. Balboa Park is on the right. Chris, Christian, and Carol enjoy marching and protection from the strong sun. The bottom picture is looking down 6th as the march enters downtown.

The crowd was estimated to be 20,000 - 25,000, which is huge in a town that rarely turns out to protest in large numbers. I only saw 3-4 people carrying Yes on 8 signs; I thought “is that all you got!” One of the marchers started to get into a heated exchange with a counter-protester and 2 of the volunteers tackled him and encouraged him to march on. The protest remained peaceful throughout. The volunteers were excellent and the police did a great job keeping everyone safe.

While walking along I thought of the part in the New Testament where Jesus is asked to tell the crowd to be quiet and He responds: “if every voice were stilled the rocks and stones themselves would start to sing.”

When we arrived at the County Building we found some shade to rest in. Chris (red t-shirt) massaged Christian’s feet. Journalist Rex Wocker ( a link to his excellent blog is over on the right) surveys the crowd from the top of a truck. The woman speaking is the attorney who successfully argued the case for marriage equality in front of the California Supreme Court.

Thoughts on 8

This week I received an email from my dear friend Steve in Virginia asking: “How awful is it to feel the weight of voters on gay marriage?”

I responded: “My feelings about the passing of Prop 8 in California are still developing and fluctuate daily, sometimes hourly; much like the 4 stages of dying. I don’t think I’m to acceptance yet. Going to bed election night the exits polls were so promising. How could this happen? I know Virginia has been much worse, but this was the first one I experienced first hand and I don’t like it at all. It’s as if the teacher finally gave our homework an A+, but out in the schoolyard the bullies grabbed it out of our hand, tore it up and knocked us to the ground. And after election night they’ve kept kicking us while we’re down and crying to the teacher when we expressed normal anger. The hate flying around since the election has been horrible. Bastards!”

To that I would add: Deepak Chopra wrote; “...all people are doing the best they can from their own level of conciousness.” I understand that. I get that. I agree with that. But come on people; some of you aren't even trying!

This issue illuminates the double-edged sword that is America’s legacy of religious freedom. Our favorite thing to do with our hard won freedom is to oppress others even worse. The Pilgrims did not flee religious persecution in England in order to establish a free and open society in the new world; they came here to set up their own brand of persecution.

A good thing that has happened since election night is the uproar of outrage at how people could have voted for 8. Among all the voices 2 stood out for me: Jake in Chicago wrote in his blog of his very personal experience with marriage inequality. And Keith Olbermann's direct address to those who voted yes on 8 conveys his human experience best.

Book Review: Eragon

Eragon by Christopher Paolini

My review

rating: 4 of 5 stars
I enjoyed this book very much. I haven't seen the movie yet so I've been looking forward to reading this for a while. The story is mostly well thought out and well told. The characters are three dimensional and engaging as is the fictional world the author creates for them; although he kind of has them wondering all over the place a bit. As my friend Dan pointed out, it’ similar to Harry Potter and other science fantasy books, even Star Wars and The Wizard of Oz, where the main character is an orphan being raised by an uncle and discovers a special talent and power that changes their life.

In this case 16 year old Eragon lives with his uncle and cousin and is out hunting in the forest when an unusual stone appears nearby through magic. This sets off a series of events leading to a quest. Along the way Eragon learns more about the wider world and meets a Dragon, a Dragon Rider, an Elf, a Witch, battles a Shade and meets a wide range of other creatures and characters.

To my mind two things about the writing could have been a little better. First, some things happen a little abruptly. It may be that I’m used to JRR Tolkien or Mercedes Lackey where events and emotions are anticipated and analyzed after; in the case of Ms. Lackey, it’s done too much. The other thing that could have been better is that it’s a little over written. The author seemed to go a little out of his way to use unusual words. He didn’t use extra long words or obscure words, but it seemed apparent that his thesarus was nearby. Perhaps the teenage science fiction geeks this book is aimed at like that, but lately I prefer it when things are kept simple and the story is allowed to shine through. This book is the first in a trilogy; authors naturally refine their writing as they go along so I’m looking forward to the next two books.


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Freeway

What the two previous peaceful, pastoral photos didn't show is that between the Driver Building and the First Presbyterian Church is 10 lanes of noisy, smelly freeway; Interstate 5. Freeways are horrible dangerous things that should be covered over where ever possible. Funds from gas tax should be diverted from building additional lanes and put into mass transit. Maybe if we weren't spending $10 million a day fighting a war we shouldn't be in we could afford to do some cool stuff like that; along with educate and feed and care for our children.

Gee. Was that a rant? Who's writing this blog? I'm starting to sound like my roommate.

First Presbyterian Church

This picture was taken from the parking garage attached to our office building looking northwest back at the spot where I was standing yesterday when I took the picture of our building. Besides this beautiful church they have schools and other buildings taking up a whole city block.


- Yesterday during lunch I walked up 5th to Laurel to visit my bank. Bankers Hill is a nice residential neighborhood but it's kind of a no-man's-land between downtown and Hillcrest for restaurants and shops. I asked the teller where to go for lunch and she recommended the deli inside the liquor store across the street. It was a very nice, popular deli and I got a really nice salad and Sobe to drink.

While I was waiting in line to pay a commercial came over the radio in support of Proposition 8, to ban gay marriage in California. I don't have a TV and the Smooth Jazz radio station I listen to doesn't play political commercials so this was the first one I'd heard. I couldn't catch all the details but I could hear complaints about things that will be mandatory if it doesn't pass and how awful it's been in Massechusetts since gay marriage became legal there and how the children will be exposed to horrible things and I got so upset because it's all LIES! Nothing new will be mandatory; nothing horrible has happened in Massechusetts since gay marriage became legal there; and the only thing horrible the children will be exposed to is listening to conservatives spout hate. I don't understand why they so enjoy creating what they are calling a “culture war” that divides us further when they should be looking for ways for us to come together. Even though gay people aren't participating in their “culture war”, yesterday I certainly felt like a victim of it.

New Digs: The Driver Building

The company I work for moved 2 weeks ago. It was a month long, painful, exhausting process and the dust is just beginning to settle. They'd been in the previous space over 10 years but could no longer justify paying for a lot of square feet that wasn't producing new revenue. We're still in downtown but not in the middle of all the action like we were. Before there was a YMCA, a Pure Fitnes, and a Navy workout facility all within spitting distance. I'm going to miss seeing all the guys jogging by during lunch.

The new neighborhood is still a little bit in transition; no Starbucks in the buidling, or even within sight, but there is a really nice coffee shop/cafe down the street and an incredible Persian restaurant in the next block. No 7-Eleven across the street but there is a liquor store 2 blocks up and the owner is real nice.

Even though we have less square feet, we still take up the entire 6th floor. And the building is half way up Bankers Hill giving us great views in all directions. From my desk I can see San Diego Bay and the airport.

A Thousand Splendid Suns

A Thousand Splendid Suns / هزار خورشید تابان by Khaled Hosseini

My review

rating: 4 of 5 stars
For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to read this book cover to cover all in one night and go to work with almost no sleep. Part of what caused that was remembering how harrowing Hosseini's first book, “The Kite Runner”, was and needing to know that these wonderful characters make it through and survive. In many ways this book reminded me of Alice Walker’s “The Color Purple”: women discover they have no rights, no power, and all of their options are horrible, so they choose their best chance for survival. Eventually they outlast and escape their tormentors, heal themselves, and return to heal their families and their culture. Again his storytelling shines a clear light on his characters and events and illuminates parts of the human experience that have been allowed to cower in the corner too long.


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The Path to Love

The Path to Love: Spiritual Strategies for Healing by Deepak Chopra

  

My review

  rating: 5 of 5 stars
This is my favorite Deepak Chopra book so far.  Even though the main focus is to help couples heal, sustain, or take their love to the next level, the book is every bit as helpful to a single person because each of us must foster a relationship with, and learn to love, our own true Self in order to see Love in another person. Deepak Chopra takes us through many spiritual traditions and quotes a wide variety of poets and writers to give a deep, profound knowledge of the concept of love and how to live in this world but not of it, to see love in all people and all things, and to know that reality is love, all else is illusion.  Near the end he includes many love affirmations that he wrote while writing this book which are very illuminating to contemplate; and he encourages us to write our own as a way to strenthen our connection with our spirit and God.

  

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The truth is ...

... embarrassing. This is so me. Click to enlarge.